"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which he creates." ~Amy Carmichael

Friday, August 3, 2012


It's funny how "normal" can become really wonderful when it's taken away for awhile. I have been realizing a lot lately how "normal" my life feels. There was a time when I wasn't sure I would ever be able to say that and I am so, so, so incredibly thankful for it now.

There was a time not too long ago when I spent more time in bed than out. Though I slept 10-12 hours most nights, my sleep was not restful and I was always utterly tired. I would work around 5 hours in an office chair, then go home exhausted. There were days when my fingers ached too much to type and taking a shower required more energy than I had. The physical exertion of bowling with friends would send me home throwing up. If I attended a dance, I could pretty well figure on spending the entire next day sick in bed. If the flu was going around, then I got it - and I got it harder and longer than most anyone else.

I remember those days well. But the great thing? I'm not living them anymore! You know what I can't get over? The fact that I have not had a really restful night's sleep since the end of my pregnancy, a year ago...if I can get 3 hours of sleep without Addy interrupting it's like a miracle...and I carry a 22lb baby around all day every day...and I *still* get more done in a day than I ever could before.

In the past few weeks I have: played tennis, rode bikes, gone swimming and kayaking, gone for walks, and done some P90X workouts. Do I get tired? I'm always tired! Do I get sore? Are you kidding me, I am so out of shape. But I can do it. And I can get up the next day and do it again. And I don't throw up because of it.

I am still randomly nauseated; I still have down days or weeks; I still get headaches regularly; my blood sugars are wonky; I often have stomach aches and other digestive issues; I can hardly eat enough to keep up with a nursing baby, which just makes everything worse; I am tired all the time and some days I would do anything to have just one night of restful sleep. But I am functional. Which is something I will never, ever take for granted! It makes me almost giddy when I realize that I can function on a daily basis like any other normal adult!

For the first time in my adult life I am in a position to choose where to spend a fair amount of my energy...it is not entirely spent by simply surviving. In some ways I feel lost and it has actually been a struggle for me lately, trying to figure out what in the world I want to or like to do beyond survival. It sounds weird, but it's true.

So anyway, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and have been feeling very blessed. I still don't know what was/is wrong with my health, and I probably never will. But between prayer and taking steps to keep up with my general health, God has brought me further than I hoped possible. Thank you again to everyone who prayed and encouraged me during those really hard months and years!

While I hope I never have to go back there, I can't say I wish I never went through it. As I have said before, I was able to know a side of God that I likely would have never known otherwise. Some of the most precious moments in my life were during those times of being completely alone and sick, when God's presence was real and his love sweet. I was so utterly dependent on him during those months. There is a part of the intimacy of dependence that I really miss now that it is so easy to get swept up in the busyness of life. But I am thankful that he is the same God, regardless of my circumstances. He is still God. He is still good. He is still able. In all things and through all seasons.