Quote

"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which he creates." ~Amy Carmichael

Thursday, June 28, 2018

What We Need

This morning started out rough, immediately dealing with lies and behaviors. While grumpy and frustrated, God started nudging me to consider changing a consequence I had given this same child for significant behavior choices a different day; in my heart I knew the consequence, though not remotely overboard, would not be beneficial to her moving forward. Reading a heartfelt post from another adoptive parent this morning nudged me further.


So when she got home this afternoon, our conversation started with that. Me acknowledging my choice had not been the best thing this time and removing the consequence.  I reserve the right to be wrong sometimes and to tell my child when I am! We had some not so good stuff to address from earlier today as well. Because of how the conversation began, in the process of dealing with things it came out that something going on at school all week had been very (understandably) upsetting to her. Knowing this made all the difference in the world, as we were able to come up with solutions to help her. I was able to let her know it’s okay to not be okay with it. It’s okay to let us know. Tomorrow I will be picking her up early from the last day of summer school in order to protect her heart and mind, and today she knows that I am on her team. For real. 


None of this would have likely ever come out if I had not been willing to give her what she needs instead of what she deserves. We would have spent the rest of the week (maybe much longer) battling what looked like oppositional behaviors without having a clue what was driving it. God knew though. And, in his grace, he let us know as well by steering us to open a door we didn’t even know needed opening. Because that is what he does.


There generally are consequences for choices. Sometimes, however, bad behavior is the only voice a child knows to use when they need help. Sometimes letting a consequence go is worth it to give them a chance for another kind of voice. I am not good at this, but I am learning. After all, isn’t this what God does? He gives me what I need instead of what I deserve, in order to draw me to himself and to work for my good. That is the kind of parent I want to be.