"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which he creates." ~Amy Carmichael

Friday, August 1, 2014

This Life of Ours

We spent today at a day use area at the lake. The only other time we had been to that particular location, was the weekend of Nathan's first visit. Unless you count driving to the entrance, only to find it was flooded one Spring. Four years and two kids later, my, how things have changed! This week also happens to be the anniversary of our engagement. We spent the drive home tonight remembering. Remembering what was and pondering the changes that brought us to what is.

Four years ago, we were strangers finding our way into each other's lives. Today our marriage is built on the friendship that developed during that time. One time, marriage and children and becoming a family were things we talked about, dreamed about - a future we anticipated. Today, this is that future. We are living it. It is now.

Is this the future we imagined as we floated in the lake that day? Is it all we dreamed of through the twenty something years before we met? I don't think so. Not really. It is much more. Harder  in some ways. Much less exciting. Much more daily. But mostly...we were not capable of imagining the reality of this life. This love with roots and history. The sleepless nights and seeing the world through the eyes of a vivacious little girl. The assurance of waking beside our best friend. Having our favorite person always at our side. A built in companion and partner and travel buddy. Seeing the world together. Seeing pure delight in our baby boy's smile. Sharing our hearts. Sharing ice cream. Listening to the ocean waves sitting beside each other. Listening to the shrieks and giggles of our little ones. Growing. Learning. Giving and receiving. And sometimes giving more. Holding our broken hearts. Holding our dreams. Beholding the gift of new life. In our children. In ourselves. In each other. In others. Miscommunicating and reconnecting. Weariness and rest. Sorrow and joy. Sickness. Pain. Wandering through dark nights, grasping a hand that is always there. Stumbling. Falling. Carrying. Always continuing. The anchor of a promise in the midst of storms. Becoming who God made us to be. Individually. Together. Becoming one.

No, I did not imagine the realities of this life of ours. I took a leap when I said yes and when we said I do. We knew we could not really know what forever means. But God did. God does. And we are learning. 

Not for one second have I been sorry for this life we chose. This life God has gifted to us. Sometimes - often - I wonder how we are so blessed. I am not deserving, but I am thankful.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)